Helping Family & Friends Support Your Newly Adopted Child

A shareable guide for grandparents, relatives and friends.

Welcoming a newly adopted child is exciting for the people who love the family. One of the most helpful things extended family and friends can do is follow the parents’ lead and understand that the child’s needs may look different from what they expect.

Connection Comes Before Celebration

A child may be meeting many new people while also learning that their new parents are the people who will consistently feed, comfort, protect and care for them. A large welcome party, repeated visits or being passed from person to person can be overwhelming.

Please do not interpret a family’s quieter start as a lack of excitement or appreciation. It may be an intentional part of helping their child adjust.

Let Parents Be the Primary Caregivers

Especially early on, parents may choose to be the people who provide food, comfort, bedtime care and soothing. If a child comes to you for something, gently redirect them to their parent when appropriate. This can help reinforce who the child’s primary caregivers are.

Respect the Child’s Story

An adopted child’s history belongs to them. Avoid asking for private details, discussing their story in front of others or introducing them primarily as ‘the adopted child.’ Follow the family’s language and allow the child to decide what they want to share as they grow.

What Can Help

  • Ask before visiting and keep early visits calm and short.
  • Do not expect hugs, kisses or physical affection.
  • Follow the parents’ plan around food, gifts, holding and comforting.
  • Avoid comments about how ‘lucky’ the child is or how they should feel about being adopted.
  • Use respectful language about birth/first family and country or culture of origin.
  • Support cultural and racial identity as an everyday part of family life.
  • Offer practical help – meals, errands or household tasks can be more useful than entertaining the child.

When to seek additional support

If you are unsure why the family is handling something in a particular way, ask the parents privately and with curiosity. Their approach may be based on their child’s history, professional guidance or needs that are not visible to others.

Helpful Resources

Note: External resources are provided for general information. Services, eligibility and content may change. Families should confirm current information directly with the organization.